I’m always impatient with my garden in May.
It’s so silly for me to be this impatient because I really do understand how much work is being done in places I can’t observe. Deep in the dark soul seeds are germinating, roots are growing and expanding, energy is building up and up and up to give each plant the best hope of succeeding.
Twice during the season I get these feelings of boredom and apprehension: near the end when I am burned out and I wonder how long I can go on taking care of these plants and at the start after I’ve gotten over the thrill of preparing, purchasing, and planting. The brain weasels sneak in and tell me that I’ve screwed something up and my garden is gonna suck and what I’m even trying to DO here.
And of course, as always, this is just another life lesson the garden teaches me. In my weight loss journey I get frustrated when I can’t visibly see the work I’ve been doing reflected on the scale. I’ve been working lately on addressing behaviors I have with food and eating that have dogged me my whole life. But changing those behaviors is the same as me developing my roots. I’m reaching deep down and doing work I’ve neglected to do for a looooooooooooooong time. But I get so tired of doing the work because it’s boooooooooooring. Who wants to confront long held emotional coping mechanisms that really aren’t that beneficial when looked at objectively but provide immediate gratification? Why plant my garden when I can just buy veggies at the store?
Because store bought veggies taste like chalk compared to a tomato grown yourself, or corn picked 10 minutes before you eat it, or peppers you’ve nurtured yourself. It’s not hyperbole it’s a literal FACT.
So I’m gonna gird my loins and wait it out. I’ll keep watering my garden and feeding it and stressing out over the evening temperatures and the wind and the bugs and if my cat is using one of my beds as her litter box and that’s why my lettuce hasn’t done anything. And I’ll keep doing the work on building a relationship with food and eating that isn’t rooted in shame, fear, and self loathing.
I’ll do an update with y’all in June. Let you know how everything is going, both with me and with my happy green friends.